Ripon College, a small liberal arts joint in Southern Wisconsin, is giving away a bike, helmet, and lock to every incoming freshman next fall. In exchange, students only have to agree not to bring a car to campus.

For your reading pleasure we offer the following FAQ:

What’s the free ride going to be? A Trek 820 mountain bike, like this one right here.

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“Free.” Ha ha. You just tacked $500 onto my tuition, right? No. Alumni, trustees, and friends of the College donated $60,000 for this program.

Can I get a fixie conversion kit and a cool haircut with that? Talk to your R.A.

How about a free Twelve of Fat Tire Ale? Don’t push your luck, young scholar. You’re not even legal yet.